Marrieds, Are Single Friends Bad for Your Marriage?
I’ve attended close to a thousand bridal showers in my lifetime. Haha, okay, that’s an exaggeration… but I have attended and coordinated a significant number of them in my lifetime. A popular activity at many bridal showers is for guests to give marriage advice to the bride-to-be, even if they’ve never been married. I have a standard message which I use at most bridal showers—“stay true to yourself; that’s who your hubby-to-be fell in love with”. Sweet, right? If only every piece of advice was as sweet and kind. What I’m getting tired of hearing, especially from more seasoned women, is:
“Don’t talk to your single friends about your marriage.”
Huh? So, all along you’ve been talking to your friends about your relationship, but as soon as you get married you should stop based on the premise that they are single?
I totally understand that there’s merit to talking to friends who are in a similar situation to you and can relate to certain aspects of your life, but surely you shouldn’t need to reserve certain topics only for friends who have the same relationship status. If that’s the case, should single friends only talk to their single friends about single life? If so, it makes me wonder, then, what friendship is.
Isn’t a friendship a relationship as well? Shouldn’t it be based on comradery, love, loyalty, trust, having things in common, support etc.? And, I’m not referring to talking about every, single, little, thing about ones marriage, just whatever you want to or feel comfortable to or sometimes need to talk about with a good friend.
I’m fortunate to have married friends who still value our friendship, and whose interests and lifestyles still resonate with mine and who are comfortable to talk to me about many things, including their marriages, and I feel the same. And, like with any relationship, it’s a give and take and we make time for each other because we matter to each other. Also, if I, as a single friend, am bad for my friends’ marriages, I would have most likely been bad for their relationships before they got hitched – but… mama they made it!
Of course every situation is different, so I’d like to hear from the marrieds—do you think single friends are bad for your marriage?