INSPIRED BY LOVE

Inspired By Love

5 Tips on How to Get Over Disappointment Quickly

We all face disappointment, whether it's not getting a job that you really wanted or a romantic relationship not working out. In this lifetime, disappointment is inevitable for all of us, but it doesn't have to be the end of us. I face disappointment probably more than I am even aware, but I have come to learn to move away from it as quickly as it hits me because I don't want to waste my time dwelling on futile circumstances. Sometimes I don't even feel the blow because I counteract it immediately.

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I've come to realise that I've been dealing with disappointment this way from a young age, the difference is that I now do it consciously. I apply five simple, sure-fire tactics, which I'll share with you in this article. Of course, these are based on my life experience and are in no way certified by a psychologist or any related practitioner, but they never cease to help me. So, if you attempt to apply any of these, please bear that in mind. With that said, I do hope that they help you deal with any disappointment you may be facing or could face in future.

Okay, let's get started!

No. 1. ACCEPT THAT LIFE HAS BOTH UPS AND DOWNS

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Accepting that life cannot be one blissful, whimsical, sunny, bright journey is hard for many of us to accept, but it is reality. We need both a joyful ride and challenging times to thoroughly enjoy this life and reach our full potential. If we didn't go through difficult times, we wouldn't appreciate the joyous ones, they would be status quo, nothing special. We need it all to appreciate life in it's magnitude.

We also need to accept that disappointments aren't always negative. They may be painted that way, but might actually be a pathway to something more suitable for you. As the saying goes "When one door closes, another one opens."

No. 2. REMEMBER THAT, AT ALL TIMES, HOW YOU REACT TO A SITUATION IS YOUR CHOICE

"The joy we feel has very little to do with the circumstances of our lives, and everything to do with the focus of our lives." Russel M. Nelson

As much as we can blame others, how we feel or how we react to a situation is our doing and our choice. If you can accept full responsibility over yourself, your thoughts and your feelings, you will live in peace. I have not yet mastered self, but over the past two years I have come to accept that I am ultimately responsible for everything I feel, say and do, regardless of what another may say or do to me. Accepting this has been a great responsibility, but also incredibly empowering. 

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No. 3. GIVE YOURSELF A SHORT-TIME FRAME TO GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS

Because I haven't mastered self, I still go through the motions. For me, when facing disappointment, "the motions" will look something like this:

cool and calm > shock > anger > hurt > self pity > anger > negotiation with self > OVER IT

I will usually tell myself that I have one or two days to go through the motions, then I must move on from it and focus on flourishing and living my best life. I never want to stay in a state of self pity or anger for long, it is futile. I make the most of the time that I have to go through the motions! I bring on the waterworks, I stay in bed, I send angry messages if they apply, I swear to give up on whatever it is that has fueled my disappointment and I declare this to close friends and family. I go through the motions as hard and as a quickly as I can, then swoosh, I'm over it! 

No. 4. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME TALKING ABOUT IT

Once the dramatics are over and the tears have dried, I don't dwell on the disappointment unless it's to share a learning or to laugh about it. Talking about it helps with the healing process, but once I'm over the disappointment, what purpose will it serve to dwell on it? The other day I received shocking and somehow disappointing news after a long time of riding a blissful wave. When I related the disappointment to a friend of  mine, he barely spoke about it, he didn't ask me much, he didn't even ask me how I felt, I don't think he even said sorry. He went on to talk about positive aspects in his own life. At first I was annoyed, but later on , I realised that his approach was just right. Why dwell on it, why keep the negative on repeat? Talk about things that bring you joy instead! 

I must stress that I do not mean that you should not consult a counsellor or psychologist should you feel it necessary. Some situations are better helped with assistance from a neutral, objective professional. 

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No. 5. FOCUS ON POSITIVE EVENTS THAT YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO

"Count your blessings, name them one by one."

In negotiating with myself, the first thing I do is think of positive experiences or events that are coming up which I can look forward to. For me, it could be a trip that's coming up, a visit from a loved one, a photo shoot, thinking ahead to the festive season, pay day, a shopping spree, attending church, a business brainstorm, a new challenge at work... there are so many things that one can look forward to! This distracts me and moves my thoughts away from the disappointment to something uplifting and happy that will really take place in the near future. It lights up my heart.

Like I said, these tactics are foolproof, they help me stay optimistic about life with all it's contrasts. I hope they will help you too!

xo—Nhlaks