3 lessons I've learned from my Envy
Theodore Roosevelt said: "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Envy is one emotion I'm very guilty of. In this age of social media, I've found that it's so easy to compare myself to others, especially those very well styled girls on Instagram and friends who seem to have things going right for them.
Growing up I used to struggle with my body image and self-acceptance, I constantly compare my looks to the other girls at school. My jeans size, how big my boobs were and even my height—you name it. I compared myself to people around me and have to admit that It was exhausting.
But today I'm much happier with the women I'm becoming. But it took learning these 3 important lessons for me to reach this place.
1. What I envy is often a sign of my unmet need or desire.
Whether I'm envious of someone else's car or vacation, that's envy revealing my wants. It's actually quite simple. So I've learned to accept it rather than resisting it.
Your desires often show up as envy when you're not fully aware of what you want, or when you don't allow yourself or give yourself permission to want what you want. Envy tugs your attention to your deepest desires for yourself.
So when envy shows up, I get really curious. Why exactly am I envious? Is it that my friend gets to travel a lot? That she makes a lot of money? Or maybe it's the way she gets excited when she talks about her job? I dig deep: curiosity will always bring clarity.
2. I'm worth more and can have more than I believe.
Envy is not only about things like money or a home, attributes like beauty and talent, but also about believing in yourself, happiness, or excitement.
I've found that envy shines the light on an area where I feel a sense of lack. It takes me by the hand to where I feel the most scarcity. It points out my holes of self-worth, emotional wounding, and what I believe is possible for myself.
The thing that makes us fear envy most of the time is the fact that we resist it. We judge it. We want to hide from it or blame ourselves for being bad friends or siblings because we feel envious of what someone else has. But making envy into an enemy is why we tend to think of it as such an unpleasant feeling. I've simply learned to accept it and recognize that it is pointing something out to me. In this way, I've turned it into a productive force, rather than a destructive one.
3. Envy points to my potential.
It has allowed me to daydream and think big. It speaks quietly but has a forceful message. Envy whispers sharply, "Baby girl look! There's more to you than who you believe yourself to be. You can have more than you believe you can have. You have the potential for much, much more!"
One question I've found powerful to help me open up to my potential and possibility is to ask myself "What If…?"
What if I could be or have what I'm envious about?
How would I feel?
What would I do?
So whenever you find yourself envying what another person has, use it as an opportunity. You can say to yourself, “Ahh, thanks for showing me an example of what I desire in my life. Where does that quality already exist within me and what can I do to accentuate it?!” Listen for the answers within you.